ROBSESSION

I'd like to take this time to express how very much I am craving california.
haha, band name.
Anyway. Seriously though, I can't stand it. Rachel and I have been chatting for ours about it the last few days. (Also insert a very grateful THANK YOU to gmail chat for saving our lives)

So here is my longing on paper. Well. Digital paper.

killing me softly

yes yes yes

CALIFORNIA, CALIFORNIA

HERE WE COME!!!!

but not really because well... yeah it's just dreaming out loud. that's what this is. HUGE SIGH!

ayayay

Adelishious

Whats my problem? All I think about is songs, I guess.


"One And Only" -Adele

You've been on my mind
I grow fonder every day,
lose myself in time just thinking of your face
God only knows why it's taking me so long
to let my doubts go
You're the only one that I want

I don't know why I'm scared, I've been here before
Every feeling, every word, I've imagined it all,
You never know if you never try to forget your past
And simply be mine

I dare you to let me be your, your one and only
Promise I'm worth it to hold in your arms
So come on and give me the chance

To prove that I'm the one who can
Walk that mile
Until the end starts

Have I been on your mind?
You hang on every word I say, lose yourself in time
At the mention of my name, will I ever know
How it feels to hold you close
And have you tell me which ever road I chose you'll go

I don't know why I'm scared, I've been here before
Every feeling every word, I've imagined it all,
You never know if you never tried to forgive your past
And simply be mine

I dare you to let me be your, your one and only
I promise I'm worthy to hold in your arms
So come on and give me the chance

To prove that I'm the one who can
Walk that mile
Until the end starts

I know it ain't easy
Giving up your heart
I know it ain't easy
Giving up your heart

(Nobody's perfect, trust me I've earned it)
I know it ain't easy, giving up your heart
(Nobody's perfect, trust me I've earned it)
I know it ain't easy, giving up your heart

I know it ain't easy
Giving up your heart

I dare you to let me be your, your one and only
I promise I'm worth it to hold in your arms
So come on and give me the chance

To prove I'm the one who can
Walk that mile until the end starts
Come and give me the chance
To prove that I'm the one who can
Walk that mile until the end starts.

The Quiz

Is it bad to blog more than once a day? I feel like it's taboo...

I like this song. Minus the more lude parts of the song. is that even how you spell lude? "loude" no that doesn't look right either. Welp you get my drift.

The Quiz by The Saferide

You look nice alright
And I like the way you nod after everything I say
Like it actually means something to you

And I like your record collection
Townes and Jens with a hint of Rickie Lee
And you've cleaned up the bathroom, made a really nice soup
but a bit too much sci-fi in your shelf with DVD's

But there are things you need to know about me
I'm weak right now, so weak right now
I need proof before I dare to open this heart
So I've prepared a quiz for you

Would you freak out if I said I liked you?
Do you walk the line?
Is your IQ higher than your neighbours?
And is it very much higher than mine ?

Can you sleep when I grind my teeth?
Do you look away if I slob when I eat?
Will you let me be myself?
Can you at all times wear socks? Because I'm still scared of feet

And if I'd fall, would you pick me up?
If I'd fall, would you pick me up?

Do you talk in the middle of Seinfeld?
Do you read more than two books a month?
Do you get racist or sexist when you've had a few? (LUDE)
Is it fine if I make more money than you?

Have you slept with any people I work with? (LUDE)
Is there anyone you'd rather wish I'd be?
Do you still keep pictures of old girlfriends?
Are they prettier than me?

And if I'd fall, would you pick me up?
If I'd fall, would you pick me up?

I like it because it's just like when you start a new relationship, you need to know all these things, but mostly it comes down to if you fall, will he pick you up? You know? :)

Bone To Pick

Alright, I've got something on my mind that is slightly buggin.

Before I posted about how many of my friends were engaged/married, and there was a solid handful. Now I can add much more to the list, and a lot of the girls are closer to my age, it's really cool, exciting even. My good friend Karli posted something on facebook about how many of her own friends had been engaged in the last couple of weeks. I read her post, smiled and agreed that this is crazy! but also awesome. And so I followed the post down and read some of the comments. One was posted by one of my friends from highschool.

"Too many, too soon."

I was offended by that. When people look down upon the LDS culture for getting married quickly, or young, it just pushes my annoyed button. (Located on my left shoulder)

People can get married if they want to! In fact, DO! DO GET MARRIED! And do it with a happy heart and a faithful perspective. If they feel right about it, fine. Let them. Don't look down on them. Because chances are they will raise a more successful family that any nay-sayers will, because they, hopefully, base their life and marriage on the gospel and not their own selfish desires.
I think it's incredibly near-sighted when people base their opinions off of their own small perspective. So what if you are a college student loving the single life and not planning to marry til youre 25,26,27? K cool. Cool for you. But when people are happy together, let them be happy together. Let them marry and make their love official by BEING MARRIED!
It's important, it's special, it's fun, it's hard. Whatever, if you want to, pray about it, do it. It's great, or so I hear.:)

That is all.

Ouais! C'est Magnifique!!

Glee's version of Marry You is stretching it's sticky roots down into the soil of my brain and seeping into my subconscious. Totally obsessed with weddings again. Also I attended an AMAZING reception at Stonebridge Manor last weekend, http://staceykayphotographyblog.com/introducing-rob-hannah-ryan/
and another beautiful one at the Wright House.
So marriage is on the brain. I Googled "Wedding Blogs" and found this one (click the title of the post for the link).

PARIS GIVEAWAY!?!?? WHAT!

Man. If by some miracle I won that thing I would just die. And then come back to life so I could go to Paris. I mean, PARIS!?! Give me a break, I want to go to France so badly.

And on to something else. I made the decision. I'm going. I'm going and I'm going and it's going to be great.
Just fantastic.

Raise the BYU roof

So that's gonna be me. It's almost unreal. What? It still hasn't sunk in.

I'm wishing there was some kind of guarantee for the working out of all things. But I guess the surprise is what makes life, life. Sometimes it feels like I'll never catch a break, and then I do. Kinda like the Sandlot scene where the ball just drops into his glove. Such a great feeling. But then you realize what comes next is the scenes with the Beast. The ball goes over the fence. But what is a movie without a little conflict? What is life without a little bit of conflict?

Ah man. Let the good times roll while they do.

I just got a phone call from my boss. Seems like things aren't boding well for me and my coworkers. But now I have until 3PM on Monday to wonder what's going to happen. Isn't that funny? Before I could even post this post, this happens. Ah stomach. Stomach aching.

Cool.

Keane is Lovely

Don't read into this. I just love this song. 


"Can't Stop Now"

I noticed tonight that the world has been turning
While I've been stuck here dithering around
Though I know I said I'd wait around till you need me
But I have to go, I hate to let you down 
But I can't stop now
I've got troubles of my own
Cause I'm short on time
I'm lonely
And I'm too tired to talk 

I noticed tonight that the world has been turning
While I've been stuck here withering away
Though I know I said I wouldn't leave you behind
But I have to go, it breaks my heart to say 

That I can't stop now
I've got troubles of my own
Cause I'm short on time
I'm lonely
And I'm too tired to talk 

To no one back home
I've got troubles of my own
And I can't slow down
For no one in town
And I can't stop now 

And I can't slow down
For no one in town
And I can't stop now
For no one 

The motion keeps my heart running
The motion keeps my heart running
The motion keeps my heart running
The motion keeps my heart running 

Afraid of Such Great Heights

PROBLEM.
Last post I blogged about THE EXACT SAME TOPIC that has brought me to blogging again.
Help me.

I thought I had made up my mind. I've realized how stinkin' scared out of my brains I am to go to BYU. It's what I want to do, and yet my tummy gets nervous and I feel... seriously just straight up scared. I don't even know how to describe it. I want to know if it's the right decision though, I want to know that my excitement/nervousness is just for this pending adventure, and not because it's the wrong thing to do.

Remember when you were in elementary school and you had to use real home phones to call your friends? If you wanted to play, you had to call up your friend and hope they answered.
But also remember when your friend didn't pick up? You kept calling and calling, never leaving a message, but just calling, and you knew they were home, they should be home, so they should pick up, but they didn't. Remember the frustration? Remember the rejectedness?
"Why won't she answer, Mom?"
Why won't He answer, Mom?

Why do I not feel like I have an answer? I feel like I need a solid answer, and as I am typing, my stomach is cringing in fear that the answer is... no answer.
No answer?!
What does that even mean!? How could I possibly decide this all on my own?
I'm going to miss my family like crazy if I go.
I'm always going to wonder what if if I stay.
I'm gonna be able to do what I love if I go.
I will have extra money if I stay.
SHOULD I STAY OR SHOULD I GO!
*NO DON'T START SINGING THE SONG, THIS IS NO TIME FOR A SONG!
no time for a song. no time for thinking or anything because this is driving me nuts.
Listen. Everything is set up for me if I go to BYU. I took all the right classes this semester, I have some potential job options up there already, I have two places I could stay, and I have people here to help me make my DVD for my audition into the MDT program. I realized I love dancing. I love singing. I love performing.
So what am I waiting for?
What AM I waiting for?
What am I going to lose? A scholarship? Yeah well people pay for college all the time. I can do that.
What else? My family? People move away from their families all the time. I love them, but I can do that.
What ELSE? Security. It's a risk, but it's an adventure. I can do that.
What I need is a solid assurance that the Lord will back me up in this decision. Is it monumental? A little bit. It is a little bit monumental.
Monumental!
MENTAL. AGH! What if I decide to go and I mess everything up at ASU and then the answer is suddenly NO DONT GO.
No. It doesn't work like that. Does it? Even if it does, I have to have faith.
When Macey was in the hospital I had an elephant load of faith. 20 elephant loads of faith.
This faith is different. I am stepping off the side of a cliff and it is scaring me. It would be such a hard and long fall.
But He'll catch me. That I know for sure.
I don't know what will be asked of me. But if I go, no matter what happens, He'll be there to catch me.
He always does, He always will.
Agh life. Yay.

Question Mark?

One of the craziest things about growing up is learning how to make decisions. And being the incredibly opinionated person that I am, you would think I'd be great at making them. But I hate them. Mark Stoker would tell me that "hate is a strong word," and here I'd have to agree. So I don't hate decisions. But as I get older I realize more and more what a burden they are. (Sometimes I pretend to not have opinions or preferences just so I can get out of making decisions.) ((Take going out to eat, for example. Sometimes I'm just so worried that I'll choose something that the other person won't like (((or won't want to pay for, if I'm on a date))) that I just refuse to decide. Because I can make myself enjoy anything, if I try hard enough.))
But some decisions are definitely more important than others. Par example: choosing a major, choosing a school, choosing WHAT THE JUNK MONKEY YOU'RE GOING TO DO WITH YOUR DECISION-MAKING LIFE.
Some things people will tell you when they're trying to be helpful are:
Make a list of Pros and Cons!
Why don't you talk to someone who knows about it?
You don't have to make a decision now.
and my favorite...
Why don't you pray about it?

.....
Don't you think that's all I've been doing for the last, I don't know, 4 WEEKS?! Haha, not to be rude, because all of these people mean well. They love me and want me to be happy. And I love me, and I want me to be happy too.  But even after employing all these methods, I'm still left utterly confused.
I guess only time will tell. But that is annoying. Joy in the journey. Agh.
PS blogging doesn't help in the process.

Bust the Windows Outcha Car

Throwing down a big complicated experience into five words:
Weston and I broke up.

But it was alright. It is alright. Because of a myriad of reasons I couldn't possibly explain fully without my famous hand gestures. So it shall sufficeth to say that I am finding myself grown up and somewhat relieved. Feeling confident, like I just bought a really awesome pair of shoes and everyone knows it.

Cool thing though, even though I didn't get a pair of cool shoes.. wait yes I did.

Hi-yah! $1.50, baby.

Shoes aside, cool things have been realized since the caput. A lot of them I should keep to myself because of the non-privacy of this blog, but! I realized that I am not "Another Picture to Burn" girl. I'm not gonna "bust the windows outcha car" I'm not gonna tell my girlfriends that my ex is gay. And mostly I'm not really gonna delete my posts with Weston in them off of my blog. Because guess what? When I blogged it, I meant it. That's what I wanted to say then, so I said it. And no matter what happens later, doesn't change what I meant in the past. Even if we're not together. So it may be weird to keep him up there, heaven knows he didn't want to be on this blog in the first place. But the keepage isn't indicating my everlasting attachment to him. I feel like it's the equivalent of keeping pictures of a friend who moved away. You were great friends, but the distance makes it impossible for you to stay that way. But the circumstances now doesn't nullify what was then. So they stay. Just as a kind of reminder of who I was, and who I want to be. The Lynzi who will be blogging 3, 7, 24 months from now.
It's cool to grow up. It hurts and makes you sore sometimes, but the definition is always worth it in the end.
Good times. Always.