Here I Am.

You know, some people use their blogs as journal type things, to talk about their days, to talk about their lovers, to talk about what they like to do, and sometimes I find myself wanting to use it as that kind of medium too, but I realized I have commitment issues. I don't want to put stuff down on the internet that I'll have to look back on and feel stupid about. I have no problem with being silly stupid, but when it comes to looking stupid because of real life things, I can't commit to it. I hate putting myself out there where my emotions are so raw and real and everyone can see them and its scary because I might get cut down, and I don't want people to know that I'm weak and vulnerable sometimes, and if I put it out here, or put myself out in life, its dark, and it feels like I'm standing on glass- its transparent and its fragile and I like having control and being stable. And I know that sometimes the glass is going to break, and I am going to fall and look absolutely stupid, sad, or pathetic. Because it's happened before and I beat myself up about it afterward. I'm coming to a point in my life, however, that I can't really be safe anymore. Not if I want to truly live. It's difficult moving out onto the glass of relationships and uncertain futures but I guess it's worth it. Millions of others have done it before me and made it out alright. I guess it's time to grow out. Branch up. Wish me luck.