Lemons in my Life

This should be easy, right? Just writing down how I'm feeling and blahblahblah? A berjillion things are just stacking up right now and I feel like I can't take care of any of them. I need to go to work but I just won't. I need to get stuff figured out for this next semester but I don't want to. I need to make a hat but I'm spending all my time with Weston. Favorite decision ever. Except for not, and here's why:
The more I'm with him, the more I spend every stinkin' possible moment with him, the more my stomach's like, "agghhhhhhh" the more my brain screams WAIT WHAT ARE YOU DOING!? and here's why:
He goes back up to Utah next Saturday/Sunday/Monday. Happy birthday to me. Not. and you know what that means?
Two more weeks until school starts back up, and either I'll see him during those two weeks (probably not, its not worth it/probably won't work out/I'm tired) or I'll see him during Spring Break (March).
And if not:
I won't see him until the end of April, which is four months away, or if he decides to stay for the spring I won't see him until the middle of June. 6 months.
Best case scenario: see him in beginning of January, in March, in April.
Worst case scenario: don't see him until the middle of June.
Neither of these actually sound/feel/seem appealing. and here's why:
I hate being here without him. And then as soon as I get used to it, he shows back up and becomes a real and actual part of my life again and leaves. If I don't get to have him around and nothing is going to work out between us I'd rather just punch this relationship in the gut and walk away. It's no fun living like this. It's no fun going about my days without him, building my world without him, and then he shows up again and we work so well together and we laugh and sing and dance and then it's BOOM.
GO BACK TO SCHOOL. LIVE YOUR MEDIOCRE LIFE. WATCH AS EVERYONE AROUND YOU GETS TO GROW AND MOVE ON TO THINGS WHILE YOU SIT IN A CORNER AND WAIT FOR A GUY WHO IS AT BYU AND WILL ALWAYS BE AT BYU AND YOU'RE POOR SO YOU STAY AT ASU WHICH IS NOT BYU AND TRY TO FIGURE OUT WHAT YOU'RE DOING AT ASU IN THE FIRST PLACE.
This is a rant and I'm sorry. It's been a rough night.
When all is said and done, though, well. I dunno. I don't know if it's all worth it in the end. Right now it feels like it's not and it won't get any better. But it's also 2 AM and no one thinks rationally at this time.
One more week to figure this out.
Tune in next time for SOAP OPERAS WITH LYNZI
-to be continued- (sorry)