I've Got the Bridal Blues (someone make a song out of this)

I am finding myself with too much time between 12:30 and 4:00 PM on mondays. Agh.

So here I am, eating my lunch, upstairs in the institute, hiding out because I need to concentrate and also because there is a horrible mess on my face ( I killed my face. Seriously.) I also brought a half a pack of Saltine Crackers, and I'm looking down and seeing that as much as I try to suck on the cracker, the crumbs still fall. Preschooler eating status.

So good, but so messy.

Anyway. A long time ago (about two years, actually.) I decided I wanted to get married on 11/11/11. Back then (two years ago) that seemed like a reasonable and attainable goal. I could have made it my New Years Resolution for that year and felt good about making that goal.

Yippee! (Imagine she has sleeves)

But now. Oh ho ho now. It's January 24th, 2011 (01/24/11 for all of you who can't read proper English) (("Because I am so proper all the time," she said as she used a double parentheses.)) And I'm looking at the date and BOOM HIT ME IN THE FACE. AGH 11/11/11 is coming in t-minus 11 months! Which means... Lynzi won't be getting married in 11 months. Outlook is dim. Chances are slim. *somethingsomethingmumbleblahblah* Him! three rhymings. So I just was a little sad yesterday because my dream of being married on the most EPIC WISHING DAY EVER will most likely not come true. Never mind the fact that its very much smack dab at the end of the semester when everything is crazy with school. But I thought to myself,
It's perfect! It meets all my necessary criteria!
-It's a Friday
-It has some sort of dately significance
-IT'S AT A TIME WHEN IT'S NOT SO STINKING hot outside (agh kill Arizona for being so hot and preventing me from being married 8 out of the 12 months of the year.)
-yeah that last one is the only criteria I really care about. It being on a Friday was an ultimate bonus.

Then my mom said, "*Psht* Everyone and their dog will be getting married on that day."
And I said, "Well dogs don't get married in the temple so that eliminates half..."

But ah man! My dream has become a shattered stained glass window, remnants lying beautiful and glistening on the floor, and no amount of sparkly wedding glue is gonna put this picture back together again.
Oh well.

Gone like a freight train, gone like yesterday

BOOR-RING

I'm turning into a real blogger. Wow.
Tomorrow is the first "day" of classes, but all of my classes are on Monday/Wednesday/Friday. EXCEPT! for my random dance class I'm taking. EXCITED! kinda. Because who wants to go to ALL THE WAY TO SCHOOL for one class?
Why am I doing this?
If it doesn't count for BYU credit I'm dropping. Maybe.
If it doesn't count for credit and I hate it I'm dropping.
I have to be out there for Jester'Z every Tues night anyway. Maybe it's worth it.
But tomorrow is work and I've gotta get up early (6:45. Imma panzywaste), I just felt like I needed to commence this semester with a blog post. Why aren't my posts interesting anymore? I have nothing to rant about. Like my Scorpions Post I did a year and a half ago? Loved it. Super rantish. Maybe having a life again will give me good creative ideas for posts.
Perhaps.
Wish me luck!

Little Bird Little Bird Little Bird

No one likes to hear about someone they like liking someone else. And also no one likes hearing about some other girl liking the boy that your best friend likes. Or was starting to like. Or was going pottery throwing with him sometime soon. And then you're the one who has to tell her and you feel all sick inside because you know that it's not something you'd ever want to hear if you were on the other end.
"Hey. Did you hear that Male figure 1 is dating female figure 2?"
These words kinda sink as they sit in your stomach and then you say them and they come out as a whisper. Because you don't really want to say them, and you know the friend doesn't want to hear them. And you both don't want it to be true.
So life is weird and everyone is looking out for their own romantical interests. Sometimes we're on the other side of the story, we suddenly find ourselves interested in someone else and don't really feel like telling the other person. And so we create these awkward situations, and always Time finds a way to smooth things over. But in the mean time we're sad and so we talk about it and blog about it and then it feels a little bit better.
The ONLY problem with having a best friend is that now you carry double the sorrows. But also you carry double the happinesses, too.
Worth it.

Throat Chokes.

My sister is a miracle sleeping in the room next to me. Because she almost died. She pretty much was dead. I take this for granted because now she's alive and we joke around about that robot machine in her body attached to her heart. But life is fragile and I almost had to spend the rest of my life without her.
What jogged my memory?
This post, by her friend Sarah.

A little bit of Tim

I tell her I love her about four times a day, and if you know me that isn’t normal. But it’s just that… she’s alive. She’s alive and breathing with a big smile on her face like nothing ever happened.

“Did you hear about Macey?” I hear a voice across the room casually ask another. I stopped – I only knew one Macey in ninth grade – Macey Richardson. Who was, coincidentally, one of my best friends. Confused, I looked around to notice my phone buzzing. It was a text from Riley, the third point of our friendship triangle, “Sarah, do you have Lynzi Richardson’s number?” I started scrolling through my phonebook, “Yeah,” I typed back, my fingers shaking.

All that night I got forwards on my phone “Pray for Macey”, “Pray for Macey”. She had collapsed, Coach Gardner performed CPR, the paramedics had to use an AED to start her heart again, but no one really knew what happened. All we knew was that her ride home from school that day was in an ambulance.

She’ll be fine, I told myself. So I did what I do best – I pushed the chaos to the back of my mind and chose not to deal with it. The next day came and went with distractions, but she was only getting worse. Her lungs had collapsed and filled with fluids and the doctors didn’t know what was wrong. I didn’t want to think about it, so I continued to cling tightly to my small string of vain optimism. She’ll be fine, I insisted, she’ll be fine.

Then I heard the news that broke me. “Sarah, I just talked to Coach Riggs.” A girl on Macey’s track team came up to me with a worried face, “Macey is in a coma. They don’t know what’s wrong.” A… a coma? What? No! That only happens on TV. But as she finished talking the reality sunk in. The image that ended up haunting me for the rest of the week flashed in my mind for the first time. Macey, lying in a hospital bed with tubes all around her - Tiny Macey, Fragile Macey, Shy Macey. My friend who I was always trying to protect was lying there, not alive, but hooked up to a machine with only descending mountain peaks on a screen to keep her heart beating.

I spent the rest of that week in a haze. I would barely start to care about some new story we were reading in English when I’d turn to see the empty desk where Macey should be sitting, and have to leave the room in hopes to compose myself again. Three days passed and we were all loosing hope. That image wouldn’t stop plaguing my mind. Macey in a coma, a cord filling the space between death and life. I thought of a book we read in the fourth grade by Judy Blume, the one called “Are You There, God? It’s Me, Margaret,” and with tears streaming down my cheeks I thought, “Are you there God? It’s me, Sarah.” At church they always told me to say ‘let thy will be done’ when I prayed. But this time I left it out. “Are you there, God? It’s me, Sarah. Don’t let Macey die.” Please, I thought again. Don’t let Macey die.


And He must have listened. Because a few days later she woke up, then after a few tests and surgeries, the doctors figured out what was wrong and she came home. So now she’s here -

Alive.

Breathing.

With a big smile on her face like nothing ever happened.

-----------

I tell her I love her about four times a day.

I don't tell my sister I love her four times a day. Not even three or two or even once sometimes. It's weird in our family, we hardly ever say it. It comes out chokingly and unnatural. We do love each other. It's just known. But that doesn't make it ok to leave it out all the time. Especially when freak accidents happen and life tries to steal your only sister away. She was almost gone for good and I probably wouldn't have been able to tell you the last time I told her I loved her before that stupid Monday last February. Wow regrets and wow the sadness and the shame I feel right now, crying in my bedroom at 12:30. She has never been anything but infinitely kind and caring toward me, everything about charity is what she is and I get caught up in my stupid life and I want to go to BYU and I'll be away from her. I feel like I need to be here until I see her safe and sent off to... college or marriage or something. Even then I won't want to let go. Because how ungrateful am I, how selfish and stupid and so very stupid. Ouch this is hurting to see how at fault I am at this very second. And crying and blogging and regretting aren't going to get me anywhere. So I'm gonna go wash my ugly face and get to bed so I can wake up tomorrow before my family leaves and make sure they all know that I love them. Because when life is so  inconsistent, there's really no time for sleeping in. 

Thick as Concrete-Blooded Thieves

I think my collar bone's end is pointier than normal. Hey guess what? Pointier is a word.

See? Weird.

I don't know. Commitments are hard. You know, when you feel like you're committed to something, or at least you know you should be, you feel responsible for something, you should follow through on things. This isn't making any sense.

Dilemma:

Cousin's Farewell VS Church Calling

Why I want to go to the Farewell:

1. It's Brady's farewell, it's kinda a big deal.

2. Road trip in the car with my family.

3. Good food and fun with cousin's/aunts/everyone after church.

4. I love spending time with my family. (Like in the car)

5. I want to be around my family.

6. I think I've been away from my family much much too often as of late.

Why I don't want to go to the Farewell:

1. Have to get up at 6 and drive for 3 hours.

2. Have to leave at 3 and drive for 3 more hours.

Why I want to go to my ward:

1. Jenn is getting confirmed. YESAAAAA!

2. Jodi (RS Secretary, near and dear to my soul) is having her last day at our ward and being released.

3. Ipso Facto, new girl is being called. Most likely.

4. I missed last Sunday due to an adventure I took.

5. I missed the last TWO RS Pres meetings, and one with the Bishop.

6. I'm being visit taught after church.

7. I miss Ashley.

8. I miss Sister Bro.

9. I feel like something big is going to happen tomorrow. I just felt that, right now. So... we'll see. Something big other than all the stuff I just listed.

Why I don't want to go to my ward:

1. The concrete-thick guilt of ditching out on family time.

2. The disappointment of not seeing my cousin speak.

So commitments. I realized I have a very strong tie/commitment to my family. I love them. I love being around them. It makes me sad when I realize I've been neglecting them, how much time I could have spent playing Just Dance II with Dallin, or talking to Macey, or dancing around like mad men with Gavin, or listening to Kody talk about ASU basketball, or MV basketball, or church basketball. Or helping Mom cook or watching football and talking life with Dad. I'm not around nearly enough. So when I pull a bummish teenager move and say I don't want to go (or that I can't) I get slammered (slathered, slammed, and hammered) with the guilt of choosing something else besides my family. Which I realized I hate doing. But I've been doing it so often. And even on break when I should have had so much time to be with them, I didn't, and now.... I miss them. Terribly. And they are all sleeping a few stairs and rooms away. 

How has living at home become so lonely?

Commitments to callings and jobs and responsibilities. I love my calling. So very much do I love it. It's been an enormous blessing in my life, and it has made me become someone closer to the Lynzi that the Lord needs me to be. I love my ward. They are amazing and fun and inspired. Something like Zion. Or as close as a Singles Ward can get. :) Wait, excuse me, Young Single Adult Ward. There's no room for political correctness in this blog. 

Anyway. Tough decision. It's been eating me up so I put it off. And here I realized that I have to stay home. I have to do my calling in this situation, I need to be here. Invisible force compelling me to stay. Something. I don't know. But it hurts because I miss those crazy people I'd be riding 6 hours in the car with. I feel they are already disappointed in me for being away so often. And here I'm doing it again. 

This is a long blog post. And I want to read my book. But I'm a terrible decision maker a lot of the time. I'd like to fix that. Hmmm. Quest. Quiz/test. No, just a journey. To try and become more decisive. To know what I want and then do it. 

AGH hard. 

YOU FILL MY HEART WITH GLADNESS

WELL GUESS WHAT. I've been SPENDING MY LIFE IN PROVO FOR THE LAST sweek or so. best. ever. I'm gonna cry tomorrow when I leave. ( Can you tell I started this post the day before I left and then didn't finish it til today?) TOO MANY GOOD times up here. And you can tell I'm torn up inside because of the turrets of the capitalization. And this trip I promised myself I'd take pictures. And then I pulled out my camera twice this whole time. AGH cruds. but here are some that I did take.

I call this one, Smokestack Rock. Chimney Rock.
Random Rock in the Middle of the Desert Rock.

I call this one Gingerbread Cliffs of Dover with Powder Sugar 

I call this one....
Yes please.

I want to be just like him when I grow up.

This is the kayak that

This guy (Will) rows around in. Boom. He sewed that jacket.
Yeah I know.
Cool.

These are Stanton's rockin shoes. Too bad I didn't straight up get a picture of him, cuz he's awesome.
In fact, here I'll send you to his blog. Too funn.
http://busybeestanton.blogspot.com/

This is Tyler. Tyler is a great conversationalist. He's got great opinions and I love to discuss things with him.

Not featured in this album is a man named Justin, he's tall, and he loves to fry things. Seriously, every night I was there, fried potato burritos ( so so so spicy. cleared out my sinuses and digestive track. jk. tmi. I get it.) he fried oreos, he fried chicken, he fried ritz crackers with peanut butter in the middle. All in his Fry Daddy Elite. So funny. So him.
Also not featured here is a guy named Harrison. He's actually my age but lives with these guys, and Harrison has awesome red hair. He and I share a love for quoting Spongebob. Laughed for 10 minutes together about that show. He knows good entertainment.

But my favorite of all the guys in the whole apartment is

Him. This crazy guy. He's so great because he let's me make that face (and many other hideous faces) and still likes me anyway.

Provo was way fun. I was a gypsy and roamed around and always found myself surrounded by friends. Best winter break ever. I miss it. Miss him.

Ahhh life. Love it. Just love it. :)

Call Me McShredder

I have an interesting job. Not because I do anything interesting... ever. But interesting things come up in conversations with my boss. AKA the story about those birds falling all over random states. Ready? Mystery time.

Case #72: Raining Birds and Birds


It was a dark and stormy night, I was sitting in my office doing some last minute shredding of little receipts, when there came a knock at the door. 
"Come in," I said.
"Hello," he said. 
He walked in, tall and boss-ish looking. 
"Have you heard about the birds falling from the sky?"
I hadn't. But it sounded like a case I could handle. 
I turned to my computer, it hummed with electricity and life. 
"Birds falling from sky" I typed.
Google didn't fail me. Up popped 30,000,000 hits. I clicked the first.
"Birds Falling From the Sky in Arkansas."
I clicked the next.
"Birds Falling From the Sky in New Jersey."
And the next.
"Birds Falling from the Sky in Chicago, California, Philadelphia."
This bird-dying spree was a strange mystery, and I was determined to solve it.


To Be Continued...

VIJIO PARA TU

We're bored on a Thursday night. BYU has gotta be the best place ever. Just saying. Click the title of this post to go to the ROBERT (Robot) UNICORN ATTACK game. Too much fun in too little time. Make sure you have a good internet connection or else you will lose. PEE ESS! click on the volume button for the vijio to play. its all wacky-doo-da sooooo yeah.