Why do scorpions think they're boss?

ok so scorpions are idiots. the ones that live around here, at least. they are anywhere from 5 cm to 5 inches (metric to standard???) and they crawl around, outside, inside, upside downside and into bathrooms and beds and desks at elementary schools. and then they have the gall to go and sting the people they encounter. FOR NO REASON! scorpions must be stupid, cuz if they didnt sting anyone, we wouldnt kill them. do most people kill geckos? no. only if they are sadistic gecko killers. in which case, we have geckos to spare, so please continue. just not at my house. cuz geckos eat scorpions. how does that work? it must be a "preying on the babies" type of thing. because no way is a little pink and fleshy gecko gonna take down a monster scopion with a gold-plated back. so back to scorpions. i found one in my bathroom the other day. i was walking in i do a semi turn and there it was. all pompus and stupid. sitting on my wall and probably looking at me. and my eyes got as big as a cow's and i booked it upstairs to call in the marines (which is my dad). humiliating because i am notorious in my own mind for killing bugs of all sorts and not needing help. call me orkin. but anyway he comes down and smashes it off the wall, and this thing isnt dying. literally my dad hit it with a fatty shoe over and over and over, the thing had the stamina of a cockroach. (which i kill). it finally dies and goes in the trash so guess what? i go into my room, check a pair of tennis shoes for scorpions, put them on, and procede to clean up my room. all the clothes go bye bye. well into the closet at least. now back to scorpions. my aunt got stung THREE TIMES! on her back by one that was 4 1/2 inches long. and the gross thing is that it was under her clothes. why did it go in there?! but why would a scorpion think, hey. here's a big square soft platform with big sheets all over it. i think ill climb up it. and hey, theres an opening in this human's clothing. i think ill go inside it. and hey. she's irritating me. ima sting this lady thrice!!! NO! so stupid! why? just stay outside in the desert, you were made for the desert and the dirt just STAY THERE YOU INCOMPETANT GOLD PLATED SOLDIERS! can you tell im frustrated? but what is really going through my mind at this very moment is the fact that scorpions prolly aren't stupid, they probably can even read. they probably own blogs. or can read thoughts at least. im deathly afraid they will come and get me in my sleep. so let me add this disclaimer. scorpions are cool. i hope that works.

Its not just gross stuff in a can

ok so i decided spam mail scares me. its all the stuff that my email account friend cant recognize. so that mail gets sent to spam. and periodically i check the spam box to see what gets stuffed in there. and then i see one that says "from: me" me? and it said confirmation code "0377458 (something or other)" in the little sneak peek bar so im like, did i sign up for something? so i click it and im just looking at it and i see "from: Oscar (something).." what? oscar? so then i see near the top, my little email account helper friend had written, "it is likey that this email did not come from your account." WHO IS TRICKING MY COMPUTER INTO THINKING THAT OSCAR IS ME?! why do people do that? is there some kinda virus in my computer now cuz i looked at it? ahhh i shoulda known it was bad cuz the friend put it in spam! why didnt i listen? i dont think there is anything really wrong with my computer. but seriously, who is trying to make me think they're me? and why? and how does account friend know spam is spam? i dunno. but i think i will always trust his judgement from now on. trust in the computer. he will protect you from outside evils like the so called oscar.

Finding Nemo

I set out to look for this jake man, the roommate of the ted man. if i could just interrogate him for a while i might be able to find ted more quickly. so i went to the closest apartment i could find and started knocking doors. after only three doors, a scruffy smelly slimy man answers. a hobo. i must be at the right place. so i let myself in and yelled, JAKE!? JAAAKKEE!?!? and jake emerged from the bedroom to the left. he was wearing a blue shirt. "what do you want, little girl?" um i didnt know what to say. so i said "where's the broken fridge?" "this way," he said. he took me to the fridge, and boy was it ever broken. it kinda looked like someone had placed a stick of dynamite inside and KASPODED it. the gaping hole was still smoking. i turned to jake and confided that i had never seen such a broken fridge before. i continued to inspect it and jake said, "so are you gonna fix it or not?" "i'm not here to fix the fridge, you llama lover, im here to find ted." "oh." so he left. stupid. the hobo kept trying to steal my watch and i had had enough. "goodbye hobo." and i left. but this short stop was not futile by any means. i took a sock of ted's so discreetly while i was walking out. i know. im good. nancy drew status almost. and i decided to use this sock to track ted's scent. and it was a strong scent. kinda like, lavenders blue, dilly dilly. lavenders blue.

The Adventure Begins

it was a dark and stormy night. like nights normally are in these kinds of stories. the wind was howling, my stomach growling, and everywhere you looked there were people scurrying like ants to get home. now. i didnt tell anyone i had gone. i just walked out the front door, took my longboard and went wherever the wind blew me. and thats when it happened. i was running across the street carrying longboardy under my arm (thats the safest way, mom says) and a piece of paper smacked me right in my face. i thought that only happened in movies. furious at the smashed tree pulp i stomped the last few yards over to the curb and sat down. i looked at the paper, and it looked back at me. at least the words did. and this is what it said:.................................................................................. "Dear Jake, last night i found something out. something that is probably going to change my life forever. ........ i... broke my refridgerator. well, its your refridgerator. cuz we live in the same apartment. youre my roommate. anyway. i cant pay you to fix it. so i gave my room to a hobo and im running away. im not telling anyone where im going. i walked out the front door and i took my longboard, and im letting the wind guide me to my next destination. try not to displease the hobo. he might hurt you. All my love, Ted"........................................................ immediately i felt a connection with this "ted." our handwriting was so similar! and this was especially strange because ted was a guy, i was (am) a girl. never before had i seen someone scrawl like i did. and so i decided that i must go off and find the alledged ted. and i must start by finding Jake. how hard could it be? and the adventure began. and not a moment too late.

Out of the Woods

So tonight is the last night for our performances and i am sad. everyone says that they are tired of it. but im not. i could do this forever. ok maybe not forever. but with breaks in between. just for the record this is all the information. mountain view high school presents INTO THE WOODS! april 16th 17th and 18th. doors open at 6 30, tickets range from $4-6. this has been one of the best experiences of my life. being on stage is like being at home. its probably my favorite place to be. and this musical has a smaller cast and i've forged some pretty awesome friendships along the way. here is the musical's synopsis........................................ there is cinderella and her story, jack and the beanstalk and his, rapunzel and hers, which also links into my story, as the baker's wife. the baker is rapunzel's brother. so rapunzel is my sister in law. following? now. we all go "into the woods" to get what we want. cinderella wants to go to the ball. jack has to sell his cow so he and his mother can live. my husband and i have to get objects to give the witch so she'll lift a spell. rapunzel is in a tower in the woods. we mostly all end up getting what we want, but, with all wishes, there also comes stipulations. the second act portrays real life. even the fairy tale characters have to experience pain and loss. the more times you see it, the more symoblism you catch. but it is a good play to just have a good time and see. full of laughs and puns. so good. and i'll miss it. definitely i need to pursue this into college. anyway. i must go relax now before tonight. i need to be revitalized for the closing night!!! peace out bloggers and bloggettes.

icky icky bitanga

tis been a long time bloggy, since i've graced you with my presence. and so far i've received a luke-warm welcome. disgusting. what kind of a pet are you!?! just kidding everyone, i love my bloggy and he loves me. we are a happy family! primary awayyyyyyyyyyyyy.. but really. bloggy is the best. he is a loyal pet and would die with me if he had to. so this is going to be short and to the point. HaPpY EaStEr tomorrow! woot! goodnight bloggy. :) sleepy time zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

its a fervent dislike

prolly the number one thing that i hate about teenagers is their tendency to live by weekends. i was thinking about this as i was driving to pick up my sister at 10 30 at night. and i was tired and had had a stressful day and no one was driving around me, then suddenly this wimp stick red car goes speeding past me and a kid in the back seat sticks his head way out the window and tries to see who i am. so what goes on inside of the kids heads when they go racing down the street with several passengers? <--- thats it. nothing. they think about the feel they get when they go fast. they think about the girls or guys they want to impress. they think about nothing that really matters in the long run. ill tell you what they dont think about. they dont think about the canal that is coming up that crosses under the street. they dont think about the fact that the only thing between them and drowning in the disgusting water is two cement poles with yellow and black stripes on them. they dont think about the possibility that a cop might be around the corner. they dont think about the mother who has her baby asleep in the back seat, tired and just wanting to get home, who might be in the way of their joy ride down brown. they dont think about the fraility of the lives that they are carrying in the car. one artery severed, one rib cage crushed, one neck broken. humans aren't invincible. i dont care what the alcohol tells you. and i think God has mercy on a lot of the teenagers in the world. i'm surprised my school still has such a large student body. because after so many times of speeding down the road, getting high at your friends house, and just doing outright stupid things, most of the kids still show up to school on monday morning. and do we really deserve it? will the reckless ever change? do they realize that if they arent doing any good in this world, they are doing bad? maybe God helps us for the mothers. God feels the pain of the mothers, and although the kids do stupid things, the mothers does pray that jimmy comes home sometime sunday morning. they hope that sarah doesnt need to go to rehab. they wish that weekends weren't the only thing that their kids looked forward to and that maybe one kid at school would provide a house to hang out at, free of drugs and porn and alcohol and stupid drivers. i wish more kids had a place like that. its a serious pet peeve of mine. teenagers and their one track minds. its a pity that kids arent like the kids back before the flappers. back before teens decided, "hey. im a person. i can choose. i can choose what i want. and i will choose it cuz mom says i cant." rebellion is retarded. driving fast is dangerous. and i hope God has mercy on me when i make mistakes. and when my children make mistakes. and when their children make mistakes. and maybe someday the kids around here will learn by example. maybe joe wont come to school on monday. and everyone will go a little bit slower next time they drive down brown road.

PROM.COM

hello and welcome to prom.com. here is where you can find all (and i mean ALL) your prom necessities. let me start off by advertising our new line of SUPER IMMODEST PROM DRESSIES! YAY DRESSIES! all of our dresses show major cleavage, have no sleeves, and practically have no material at all! perfect for showing off your dang gorgeous legs. next, our super expensive shoes. these shoes are SUPER expensive, and the heels break off after only 3 hours of use! SUPER!! Now, for our final product, drama. Drama is essential for every girl's prom. and not just regular high school drama, like, LEGIT drama. And we're offering this drama at 13% off! for a limited time only!! act now and we'll throw in a free clutch bag, FOR FREE! did you hear that!? FREE!! order now at prom.com and all your wildest prom wishes will come true. happy shopping!!

HER CU LES

dealing with teenagers is a big pain in the patootski. especially when half of them are 16, 17, 18 year old boys with attention spans of 13 seconds, tops. now i say i want to be a teacher, and i still do, i think. but not a high school teacher. because all the kids have senior-itis and blow off all of their assignments and spend all their time with their girlfriend and/or boyfriend. and not a junior high teacher. because all those kids are little rebels without a cause. no. i want to teach.... ELEMENTARY SCHOOL! *gasp!* yes, shocking, i know. but! i love kids. and i feel that someone in the world needs to provide a positive learning experience for those little guys. if you start to hate school in elementary, what is high school going to be like? and yes, i know, there will be kids that just dont like school. i get it. but i want to get in there and love what i do, because i know and have had too many teachers that hate their job and hate kids. well NEWSFLASH! IF YOU DONT LIKE KIDS, DONT BE A TEACHER! gosh, some people are so stupid. ha and they didn't get into teaching for money, so whats the point, people, i mean really. i think we should have a national "fire all the teachers who hate their job" week, and fire them. all at once. in a big auditorium. "Mrs. So and So, please report to the auditorium immediately, thank you." and that solves the school's budget crisis. three words. i. am. genius.